Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.