I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.