I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
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I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
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she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today