He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail