Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?