jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize