We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
