Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
