Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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