Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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