so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
