You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
