I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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