I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
