I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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