We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
