Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think I died a long time ago.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I want a musical about memes.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
