well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
