Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
