my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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