On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
