When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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