He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
