David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
