if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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