I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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