I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
