and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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