well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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