I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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