last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He passed out mid-signature
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
