Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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