if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
