Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.