i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
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If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
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I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.