I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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