I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
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I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
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I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.