Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
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She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
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Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm too high and old for this...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?