I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked