I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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