her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?