Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
