WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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