would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
that is very illegal...i love you.
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