True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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