i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I wish there were birth control emojis
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
