non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
