we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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