the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
