there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
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You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
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Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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