hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
