I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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