I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
