The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
