hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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