just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
