Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Pappa wants mamma naked
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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