you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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