Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
