She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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