Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
