I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You were trust falling into bushes
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
