I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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