im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
