***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
