Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
