And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
