Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
