I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
