Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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