Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
ugly people sure do ruin things
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
MIDGETS
????
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
