Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
