I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
