I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I want a musical about memes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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