That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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