i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
