He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
