So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
